First “R”- Resolution…the thought of it makes me feel like…well, ick! This year I decided not to make resolutions…or rather I was not going to make a list in my notebook that I would never see again except when looking for my shopping list. I wasn’t going to let everyone know I want to lose thirty+ pounds and that I needed cheering on. I was just gonna do it. But I know that without concrete goals I will fail so I made a mental list that went something like this: I knew the first of the year, or rather the first Monday of the year I would get back on the “healthy” bandwagon. Read- lose weight, work on fitting into my cute clothes, feed my family only…ok mostly, the things on my clean eating goal sheet, and so on. And this year I was really going to spend more God time. And that this is definitely going to be the year Antonio and I “really” hunker down and work on our budget and debt. And this is the year that I am going to get my house organized, and so on and so on. I started to feel defeated.
The labels failure, fat, hypocrite and so on started to flow like lava turning into tar. I felt stuck before I even began! I felt like I had tried and failed in the past and that I didn’t really know how to “fix” it as is my way. Well remember that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Well I decided that I refuse to keep on riding the crazy bus. I needed a different approach!
Second “R” – Revolution…Huh? We aren’t talking world peace or rocket science right? Just eat a few less cookies and buy a few less shoes, think more positive thoughts? So why revolution? Let me honest. I love my church…but this past year for various reasons (excuses) I didn’t spend a whole lot of time there. Boy can that just weaken this girl! (That conversation is for another day.) I knew I needed some strength and some inspiration but when I showed up to church this past Sunday and the talk was on…you guessed it: New Year’s resolutions… I didn’t know whether to be excited or put off by more resolution talk. Well Pastor Corey flipped the script on us, essentially tossing out the idea of resolutions which he defined (roughly from memory) as a strong decision to or not to do something. Ok, no strong decision to exercise more and shop less? No quitting cheesecake? I’m feeling this!
Now I like lists and charts so this next bit really grabbed me: Categorize your life he said, into one big box. Slap your name across the top and fill it with little bins containing the pieces of your life like your job/money, your family, your (gasp) resolutions, your church, (being sure to keep the church and money bins as far apart as possible!) oh and don’t forget to put your God in a box too! What? God in a box? Hmm that can’t be right.
Pastor Corey defined revolution (again from memory) as a complete change of mind…thinking…heart. Kinda reminds me of repentance…turning away from bad and towards good. That can’t be a bad thing so I was down with this concept in place of resolutions- but for the last few days I have been struggling to really get a hold of how to practically do this…change my mind. Sometimes we Christians can be really good at talking about “just” trusting God, and “just” having faith and so on…but not always so good at finding a practical way to actually DO that. Maybe I’m just simple, but I think we tend to clutter up everything in our lives by making things so complicated. I’m really big on getting back to basics, and being practical…and lists.
So that brings me to the third “R”. Revelation. This can be defined as “something revealed or disclosed especially a striking disclosure, as of something not before realized.” It can also be defined as “God's disclosure of Himself and His will to His creatures.” (dictionary.com) I believe that when you distance yourself from God, His word, and His people, you distance yourself from so much- to include knowledge and guidance, and…revelation. As I said I spent some time away from my church, but I also struggled with my prayer life and reading my bible. Trust me- when you do this for too long, you lose your conviction, your compass, and so much more. Funny though, how God is always, and I mean ALWAYS there waiting to embrace me when I come home. Talk about Grace! So what has God revealed to me about resolutions and revolutions? Mostly that I needed to change my mind.
Back to the box…first off Corey helped me realize that it is time to scrape my name off the top of it, because it doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to God. He also helped me re-acknowledge that while I am not the creator of all these things, I am the one who decides by free will how I will use them. Sounds a lot like I needed to put Gods name at the top of my box, and put my name next to the word accountable. Step one and two on my list! I started mentally rooting around through the bins trying to figure out which ones needed to be renamed or just dumped out entirely, but like anything worth doing I realized it would not all be finished quickly.
So this is my New Years Revolution:
1.Re-label-who God is (First, Creator, Councilor, Strength, Lover, and Provider) and who I am and am not (Not a failure, not worthless...Am loved, am capable, am strengthened, am…His)
2.Get rid of- Attitudes, perceptions, behaviors, people and things that don’t belong in my life.
3.Be accountable-to God, to myself, to others that I can trust to lift me up.
Thanks to my Momma I think this is my 2011 verse- 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
The beauty of God is that regardless of OUR past, present, and future failures- HE makes us new. HE gives us strength and HE is enough.
What is your revolution?
That was so beautiful. I couldnt have said any of that better. My revolution is to get god back into my life whole heartedly!!! I have struggled through this whole deployment, because I didnt have god with me. Thank you for all your support and talking to me about everything.
ReplyDeleteSo true, so true. The thing that strikes me about this is – what is my focus? What am I (are you) doing to completely change how you live day to day.
ReplyDeleteIn order to completely turn around and achieve your goal, it has to always be THEE focus, it has to always be THEE priority.
I learned this first hand 6 years ago (ugh)! I was running 40+ miles per week, I deeply loved every moment of running AND every moment preparing to run, which was 24/7 – no joke. How much I slept, what I ate, when I ate, hydration, my schedule after work – ever decision I made was always around the question “how does this affect my next run?” On days I didn’t run, I crossed trained for runners, I read about running, watched movies about running – I was consumed. I was very fit, 185 pounds, wore Medium shirts (XL now, ugh) and shorts. While I was so focused on running, my marriage was suffering and while I prayed while I ran (lots of hours on the road), I never prayed any other time – and thinking about it now, I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve EVER been as focused on God or made Him the priority like I did running.
But, He has always been that way with me…we have always been His focus and His priority. When we make decisions day to day, does He think “how does this affect my child going forward?”
What a lesson for me, I never really put all that together until today. Deep down, I knew it was true, but it was never as clear to me as it is now. I guess, my response to your blog is thanks; it’s an honest, slightly scared and spirit-led thank you.