dichotomy

From The Merriam Webster online dictionary:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/netdict/dichotomy
Main Entry: di·chot·o·my
Pronunciation: \dī-ˈkä-tə-mē also də-\
Function: noun
Etymology: Greek dichotomia, from dichotomos
Date: 1610
1 : a division into two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities
Picture: Me.

Galatians 5:17 "For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please."

Now let me just start out by saying that I am definitely not trying to justify or glorify any of my bad habits. They are what they are, and if God intended for me to be completely devoid of faults I think He would have just sent me straight to heaven when I got saved instead of letting me work through it all here on Earth.

Now that that is cleared up! Sometimes I see myself as a ridiculous dichotomy. The word itself has popped into my head a lot lately, but the other day was a great example. I was talking to another spunky girl I know about food. We shared a bunch of our philosophies on eating real food, the changes we are making for our families, and how we feel these changes will heal our bodies. (That topic is many, many blogs in the making). Well it just so turned out that I didn’t plan well that day, and had to run an errand with Antonio. What does this mean?…well at 10:30 I was talking about my love of raw milk, and all things naturally made and grown, and at 11:30 I was eating a burrito from taco bell. Huh? It tasted nasty, and made me (and Antonio by the way) feel terrible. Why, oh why do I do it? In that case it was a lack of planning and time. In other cases it is just something else entirely…hello- can you say spam fried rice!!!
Another thing, I love helping people. I long so deeply to help hurting and truly helpless people in so many ways. I want to do things out of love, and because it’s the right thing to do. Yet I am impatient and sometimes angry when people don’t get it. (Whatever the “it” that I’m pedaling that day is) I struggle and pray about it. Are they incapable? Unwilling? Why, why, why? I hope for the day when I really never tire of doing good (2 Thessalonians 3:13), and I pray for the day where I will have immeasurable patience and have no need for human appreciation. Today is not that day. When people are completely unappreciative, it hurts me and really ticks me off. Now when I say unappreciative, I don’t mean that I want big “thank-yous” folks but good gravy a half ounce of gratitude builds me and anyone else up and can keep us going!

My tongue has gotten me into more trouble than I care to admit. (snort) I laughed and cried pitifully when I read Anne Lamott’s book Traveling Mercies. She has a certain way of putting things that I identify with on a deep level. My favorite line:” I'm not going to tell you what I really thought of that woman in her Lycra bicycle shorts, because if I did, it'd make Jesus drink gin straight out of the cat's dish.” I wish I could say that as soon as I knew God He took away every ounce of anger and rotten thing in me, but I can’t. He did put every good thing in me, and has given me more than I can express… but the other stuff He left.  I suppose because that is part of my journey, is fowl language part of His plan? Um, I don’t think so. But He’ll take me and use it anyway. I still don’t understand why I tolerate and sometimes participate in conversations that make me cringe?  How can I hurt when I hear angry cursing parents and then turn around and curse in front of mine? It makes me sad and embarrassed to admit that…but well there it is. I have gotten better…with loads of prayer and working the Recovery steps (another future post). Baby steps are still steps, no matter how small and slow they are.

I could give about a bazillion more examples but I think you get the point.

Paul said in Romans 7:19 “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.” People can goody two shoes Christianity all they want, and pretend like there are no struggles and that they have it all together, but I’m here to tell you. Real Christianity is MEEEESSSY! And it’s hard. And sometimes life feels (and smells) like your stepping in dog shit instead of a garden. And all of the junk you have dealt with and will deal with doesn’t magically disappear. Paul was angry, and messy, and struggled. Yet he loved the Lord, and the Lord loved him. I think that is why I look to his writings more than many others; because they raw, and real.

Well it seems that I’m just ranting now, all to simply say that I don’t always follow a pattern, even one that I like. Sometimes I do well and sometimes I struggle. Don’t we all though? Or am I the only loony out here?

For lunch I had organic,locally grown watermelon and homemade lentil soup...YUM! Tonight? Maybe nachos with lots of cheese…and homegrown tomatoes?